First, lets get this correct, as goes with my name, im very simple. I like things simple with no drama. That however is no easy thing, so lets just say its a work in progress.

My english teacher would kill me about now, for the way I have started this, and will continue to write it . You cant really start a story in the middle can you ? Well Im going to try, and we will see how I go.

Whats my feeling today ?

DREAD.

Pure and simple.

Day 1 Unemployed

I would be what is known commonly as a rational and logical thinker. So against all of this, I quit my job. It wasnt a fantastic job, or a job that was going to get me anywhere but nevertheless it was a job. You constantly see all on the memes online “dont let your career define you” “ you are what you work” , etc etc. However for me lets face facts, Ive always worked, Its all I really know how to do. For me, without work I am meaningless, and its unknown territory. I like the fear factor and pushing myself and my limits, but usually as I am finding out that was inside my work life and not really in personal life.

I never had a great deal of money, nor will I ever have a great deal of money, I dont think I will in the near future own a house ,or a new car or any of that and at 34 with the social pressures that exist, that is not easy mentally to come to terms with, but Im at peace with it. I have to be.

I thought I had convinced myself that I was at peace with quitting my job, but of course I was wrong.

What was wrong with my job ? Thats a whole other blog, and with the amount of NDA’s I had to sign, lets just put it down to a toxic work environment, with no management structure and no accountability. Which left me doing a major part of work, and getting nothing for it, with of course childish games in the background.

I got to the point, where I didnt know why I was doing it anymore. And finally I just couldnt go on.

The logical and rational person screams inside me, why didnt you hold on, make it work and above all else at least get another job before jumping ship. I really cant answer that. I wish I could, of course I will come back to it, in the event I can answer it even to myself.

I’d like to say I was a flake, but actually anyone who knows me, that is simply untrue.

Looking at my bank balance, on my cheap android phone, to say worst timing, is an understatement.

A phrase people always seem to use is “going forward” or various variations of that phrase.

So on my first day of unemployment, how did I go forward.

I made a place where I can look for jobs, study online polish my cv, and write a simple blog.

Naturally, I reconstructed my CV , which will always be a work in progress, re-registered and sent my CV out to as many agencies and search sites as I could find, and then sat down with a cup of coffee, and began to write this .

Now why on earth am I writing this , I know your asking that, Im also asking that, along with why are we reading this ?

I hope in time all this will be answered either by you, me or hopefully both.

One thing you should know, I am a very private person, even to my friends, family,partner everyone. So the actual idea of me writing a blog is crazy. Im not even sure what I will be able to write, never mind that it may or may not make sense however I am on this journey, I put myself there and hopefully you will stay with me.

Ive looked through the job sites and in this country, all the politicians are quite happy that we are out of recession. While i do see that on the whole we are out of recession alot of county’s and town-lands struggle each and every day but we are a strong nation and although many of fellow countrymen and countrywomen have left looking for brighter and better futures, I do wonder if some have made the right choice.

I look on in the vain hope that someone like me , can find their place in society even temporary.

I seem to be trapped in the loop of having a lot of experience and not alot of relevant training.

Its a strange one to call, having worked with a lot of graduates recently, along with up and coming future work force I do actually worry how it will be in ten years time.

While training will always be an option for me, hopefully, my age vs money constantly go against me.

I will try and remain positive in the air of dread and know that alot of the negativity that is inside me is coming from my own self and the position I have left myself in.

Im sure a quick google will fill me with knowledge of the “10 most common feelings after quitting a job” but actually I would like to go through this without the help of google.

Sometimes it is hard to see whats in front of you. I seem to be able to handle any situation and any problem as long as its related to work, in my own life especially privately ,I am unequipped to deal with much. Friends , family and even sometimes strangers come to me asking all sorts of advice about their lives and I am always happy to help. Then even do come back after taking on my advice and thanking me for seeing the situation so clearly. If only they knew the truth about me !!!!

I hope to keep this blog updated regularly, and fill it with as much information as I can , as I would like other people to know the real me, and for once I would be able to talk, instead of always listening.

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